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I feel left out of my son’s wedding plans, what should I do?

September 7, 2011

McCardell Photography

QUESTION: My son and his fiancé have been living together for two years.  Since then, I have felt like a complete outsider in my son’s life.  Their wedding is in six weeks and he has not included me in any part of the plans.  Whenever I do try to ask a question, he completely shuts down.  I have tried talking to his future wife and I get the same cold shoulder from her.  My son and I were always very close and I am very hurt that he has chosen to exclude me from all the plans.  At this point, I have a tremendous amount of anxiety about the wedding and what to expect, especially since they have kept me in the dark about all the plans.  Is there anything I can do to keep me from breaking down in tears the day of the wedding?

ANSWER: My heart goes out to you.  As a mother of two sons, I can’t imagine how hurt I would feel if I was totally cut off from such an important part of their lives. However, it has been my experience that weddings tend to bring out emotions in people they never knew they had.  I know this is easier said than done, but try to go to the wedding and have NO expectations.  Without expectations, you can’t be disappointed.  Regardless of how you feel, it is their day.  Have faith in the closeness you and your son have shared over the years and give him and his new wife time to process the big change that is happening in their lives.  After things have calmed down and the wedding is behind you, he will probably realize how much you mean to him and the two of you can begin to work on reconnecting.  Keep in mind, he is no longer your little boy.  He is a married man.

Keep your head up!

Sincerly,

Ayesha

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